We’re continuing our series of posts of the top 5 most awkward weddings we’ve ever DJ’d (as told by our entertainers themselves).
After almost 20 years in the wedding DJ business, we can tell you that weddings, in and of themselves, make for great stories. With the exception of a few minor glitches, most turn out as planned, but in some rare cases, the “glitches” can be a bit more…well…interesting. As a matter of fact, some can be downright awkward. Obviously, the awkward ones make the most interesting stories.
NOTE: To protect the innocent, we’ve purposefully left out names but beyond that, I assure you that none of this has been embellished. If you’re in the industry, I’m sure you will sympathize with us. If you’re a soon to be bride or groom or a general reader, this may have you shaking your head.
A good toast takes you through a color wheel of emotions. It can bring laughter, tears, and even create a sense of togetherness. To RUIN a wedding with a toast, however, takes skill beyond measure. We were fortunate to have learned these particular skills from a master who was an active Duty General AND father of the Groom. Based on his example, we were able to compile a list of steps that will allow you to offer the worst of Toasts:
1) Talk as long as possible! A wedding is supposed to be a once in a lifetime event, so this is your chance to shine! Every little girl dreams of having a full hour and a half toast at their wedding reception, don’t they? You don’t want to disappoint that bride on her special day, so be sure to fulfill your diplomatic duty and filibuster until the cake starts to mold. Just ignore Aunt Irma’s shushing and stay strong. Do so and you will ALWAYS be remembered as the person that everyone wants to forget.
2) Lose the filter. This point is heavily debated and can be somewhat controversial. Some people think that unfiltered stories are shameful, but we know that it helps loosen up a crowd like nothing else. Rest assured, a good cringe worthy story will make some prudish folks a little squirmy, but they’ll get used to it.
If you have a story, like General Toaster did, about catching your son on the couch with a lady of the night…YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY SHARE IT! The bride will eventually calm down and come back to the reception (we think). She may be crossing her arms and tapping her foot, but she’ll come back. And, that toe tapping is a sure sign that you have made a huge impact on her special evening.
3) BONUS! Not part of the toast, but still a great way to ruin a beautiful evening. Plan a surprise horse and carriage to pick-up the bride and groom about halfway through the reception. DON’T TELL ANYBODY that you have planned it… especially the couple, the DJ and the wedding coordinator. When the Bride and groom get back from their little horsy trip around the block and get back to their grand exit that THEY actually planned, everyone will be so confused that dancing will be out of the question. WIN/WIN.
Be mindful: All of this takes serious dedication, and you have to suspend any and all self-awareness…but if you follow these 3 simple steps, you can offer a toast that will let others know that, no matter how bad they screw up in life, it can always be a lot worse.